Sharing

Sharing

3/7/203 11.49 pm

Nothing in this world really belongs to us right so should not sharing be easy? One would think but IDK it’s not that simple. I am talking about relationships here! Ok not spouses! Some folks share spouses I guess but am not into that, so I am going to limit my post here to friendships, relationships.

There are two that am pondering now so yes let’s see: One well there’s no real conflict there. If it involves the women in my family in particular my sister, cousin sister I will take that side coz am very loyal that way and there’s just no thinking twice there.  Now the other situation where there is no family connected at least directly you would think should be easy right? I mean everyone respect each other, boundaries and all and be friends. People have ways of connecting in life, online and that’s life. I am a “ If you love something/somebody set it free kind of person” so you would think it would be easier but here’s the problem : When the person you are to share friends with insults you like you have never been insulted in your life ever it becomes weird! Well persons are different, and you can’t get into people’s minds of why they do what they do but you can control your actions, emotions and for me I most often choose flight vs fight. If someone will insult you so much because they want something, they can have it. Maybe that seems cowardly, but hey it is my way. I just feel like I do not deserve so much ill feeling for just existing, doing my own thing and being associated with the person. Love is so many things and friendships even the platonic ones are love. When you set someone free as in no expectations it is a form of love too. Anyway back to the subject I have been called ugly, old, fat, stupid, unimaginative, robotic etc. etc. You could say I should grow a thicker skin but hey I do not deserve those names just for being me? I think the robot was the worst because if you meet me in real life, I am as far removed from a robot as can be. I am very animated, spontaneous, unpredictable as in I would say the first thing that pops in my head etc. etc. I am also very naturally funny so yeah the ROBOT term ????  Anyway I can see why my actions may be deemed robotic with my wordless music food videos which I am trying to change BTW. Thanks to that comment I am trying to do original videos and liking it so yep consider that constructive criticism lol. Oh, I am a natural when it comes to real life or zoom workshops, lectures etc. I can talk shop “ Nutrition” for hours fluently and keep people’s attention but doing a talk over on a food video or talking into a phone video .. umm not as easy. But going out of my comfort zone and doing just that is fun so thank you person.  I also see how posting just green smoothies all the time can seem robotic but hey in my defense I do other stuff too. One of my skills that I have under my belt is a certified feeding specialist. Two of my clients that I work with have me to map out diets for children with allergies, special needs etc. One of my favorite cases was a little down syndrome boy I worked with 2 years back. After several tries, when we finally hit on formula of applesauce , MCT oil, pea protein in a shake form that the child actually drank it was pure rejoicing. That may seem simple to some but tell that to the parents of the child who were elated to see their child eating, gaining weight, and becoming as near normal as could be.  A child who had continuous diarrhea for weeks which got into control with my anti diarrheal diet.  Those are stories I will never post on SM since they involve children. Anyways, what I am trying to say is I know who I am. I like what I am, what I do and I do not need someone who does not know me throwing shade and grenades at what I do and making fun of it. I do not deserve that for being associated/friends to someone the person likes etc. so in this case I  feel like flight is safer, better for my mental health if that makes sense. Let’s say I have been burned before ( unintentionally I know )so second time around makes you even more wary. To be honest, I do not understand it. I appreciate and applaud what other women do. Whether it’s the cleaning lady who takes pride in shinning up the floors, the mother who makes it her goal to consider child rearing her profession, the single woman who takes pride in her plants, the nurse who spends hours with fussy patients with a smile on her face, the smart savvy socialite who can throw a charity gala successfully and look damn fine doing it, I respect everyone and like that they are different from me. I see opportunities to learn from them. That is probably why I don’t understand when comparisons are made, mean remarks hurled etc. But again although I wish for peace I cannot control other’s actions, emotions. Only mine and most often it is to run as far away from the situation as possible. My most effective weapon is probably to just switch off SM for periods of time and I do that when I need. The fact that my husband is not much into SM helps in that I can hang out with him and forget SM. Well since I am an entrepreneur I do come back to SM since it my way to advertise myself I guess but yeah taking breaks ( even just hours ) is something I like doing. Let SM be. Focus on real life and do what you need to do in life. I started off to write about sharing but I think I may have digressed some lol. Anyways, it felt good to write my feelings on this topic. I hope this will help persons understand why I may cool off in friendships/relationships etc. It may seem cold but that’s my way.  It is not personal! It is just my protective mechanism and sometimes well, if I feel like I may actually laugh at the comments and not mind. They can be genuinely funny but if it starts to get to me or gets too personal go into a shell I will.  Oh yeah I may joke and put out a song here and there, even retort back, join the game so to speak but my most predictable or unpredictable reaction is flight or self-preservation so to speak. Trying to love myself enough to know I don’t have to put up with things that bring me down if I can help it. I usually cool off, remind myself to not be sensitive and let it go but IDK I guess like all women I am unpredictable even to myself. I am 200% emotional and it’s not the easiest quality to handle when it comes to friendships/relationships.

So anyways, not sure why I felt like penning this… maybe watching CREED 3 for date night spurred this on. In general, I do not like the boxing matches in all the Rocky, Creed movies but I did like how the movie ended. I won’t give away the story but If you can, go watch it! I am penning this late night so do excuse any grammar errors etc. Thanks for stopping by! Love and peace xo