Story Of My Ex’s And How I Met My Husband

So today I was chatting with a friend on Twitter & the movie Mamma Mia 2 came up. Haven’t watched the movie yet but I have been playing the soundtrack & know all the songs by heart! The movie brings back memories for me of my past life, my ex’s etc. I have been reminiscing a bit! Not that my story is like mamma Mia but similarities yes! Like 3 romances in one and half yrs., First one like the lady’s first romance except that my life mate is my husband and not the first ex like in the story. Anyways felt like writing my story for anyone who cares to read.
I was in my mid 20s in the city of Muscat in the Sultanate Of Oman, Middle East.  Went there coz my parents were working there & got employed as a dietitian. Then my parent’s ended  & since I had a 2 yr. bond left I stayed behind in the company quarters. I was one of the 4 dietitians in a male dominated catering company that placed their employees at Hospitals and facilities. The other dietitians were male so save a few lady waitresses I pretty much had just male company. Nice guys who treated me well although I got a crude awakening to the way single men talk & think since I had to share a break room/ office with them. They treated me like a lady though, even affectionately, bringing me chocolates and treats. If you know anything about working in the Middle East, it’s a lonely place where people work to earn money. Often leaving family behind and your colleagues are all you got as friends. This is where I met ex no 1 who I will call the baker! That’s what he was. The chief baker I may add, top of his class in culinary school & very creative in his baking creations. He was a looker, kind of like the Indian movie actors. Very charming chap! He always worked the night shift so I only saw him in the mornings when I reported for work. Would greet me with a charming smile & sometimes offer me a baked pastry which I would gladly take ( you know me and my sweet tooth) Then few months later our contract at Muscat was over, everybody got transferred to different locations & that’s how I found myself with baker dude and 5 others on a bus to Salalah. Now Salalah is considered interior territory. Very rural and beautiful. You should Google it and you will see it’s a lot like Greece and the landscape in mamma Mia. Beautiful beaches, rocks, mountains, lush greenery, vegetation and very unlike Muscat the city. Work was v laid back too. We only worked from7 am to 1 pm & our boss was a laid back Omani guy! Go enjoy yourselves he said after work. The place was beautiful and that’s how I found myself, baker dude and a lady friend of mine touring the beautiful beaches & city of Salalah. The spark was v spontaneous & soon my friend caught on & started giving excuses not to join us. The place was magic; the boy was charming & all that fresh air! He was the most attentive man I have ever dated. We would pick raw dates off the date palm trees on the beach & eat them and do spontaneous fun stuff like that. Then one day we were relaxing on the beach & he was flipping through his wallet & a picture fell out. I picked it up and flipped it over. There was an inscription saying “see you soon, I am waiting”! It was picture of a sweet girl who looked a little like me.  Brown skin, big hair, slim, animated etc. Asked him who that was & he mumbled his fiancée but that he was going to break it off. I was shocked. I didn’t know .I was being romanced by a guy who was engaged. I know enough about engagements in India to know women take it seriously. My emotions were involved; I thought I was in love. I couldn’t believe it. I told him we needed to break up. He tried to persuade me. Said he took this transfer coz he knew I was going to be there etc. and had loved me for a long time. I was confused & hurt. Love shouldn’t feel this way!  How do you keep such an important matter from a person you claim to care for? What about the fiancée who obviously loved him too. I left and told him not to contact me. It was hard esp. since we worked together & he was trying to appease me. But my heart knew I could not. I am a gentle compassionate loving person but I can be firm to the point of coming across as heartless. While I firmly refused any contact my heart was in shatters. Knowing I was doing the right thing made it only a little easier. Salalah suddenly became a place of hurt and pain. But time goes by & he left & my heart healed. I guess I have my second ex to thank for helping me heal. Ex no 2 was the secretary to the big guy in the company.  Not sure how we got talking on the phone but we did and soon I poured out the story and he helped me get transferred back to the capital. Smaller hospital with friendly staff. Our friendship blossomed into more and soon we were dating. We had to keep it secret coz he was big bosses secretary etc. We would meet evenings, go for long drives along the ocean, eat at small restaurants and just have fun. Managed to forget baker dude and become myself again. Then few months down the road ex 2 (wise dude) realized what I had realized too: that this was going nowhere and had been romance on the rebound! We amicably broke off. Decided to be friends but it was hard to transition into that role.  But no heart breaks this time. Just a feeling of normalcy. I went home to India, visited parents & my newly born nephew, went back to Muscat and threw myself into work.  This was 1994, days of no social media and I am glad it was like that because I had no contact with ex any 1. Then as soon as I got back from my Christmas vacation I got a call from a familiar old friend or should I say acquaintance! My now husband. We knew each other as kids since his big brother is a good family friend. I remember my husband as a geeky little boy about 16 who would ignore the girls and act like they were the biggest nuisances in the world! I was 12 at that time and probably a brat! We started talking and DH came right to the point. Told me he had gone home on vacation (he was working in the US at this time) and people had set him up with girls but he wasn’t too thrilled about the matches & then someone told him about me & he thought we should talk and get to know each other. I was intrigued at this direct approach & agreed to talk as friends and then see if anything came out of it. In his practical organized way he set up talk times. I started work at 7 am and had a long break between 1 to 3 pm. That would be out talk time. I didn’t realize that it was 3 am in the morning for him!  And we talked & we talked & we talked about 2 hrs. every day. I used to ask him about phone bills and he said he had a good deal with the phone company. I believed him and after we got married we were still paying off phone bills for a whole year. Worth it investment he said so yeah I guess that’s true. If someone had told me I would fall in love with a person just by talking to them I would not believe it but I did. As we talked I started to fall deeply and surely in love with this smart, wise, practical man who had so much hidden heart. A man whose calm sensible approach balanced my sometimes wild impetuous nature.  There were no smart phones those days and we lived in two different countries so letters would take about 15 days to reach. We wrote every day and I would receive a letter with news that was 15 days old. Talk about old fashioned romance. 6 weeks of talking everyday went by. I knew everything about him including his broken engagement a year back. He said he broke off an arranged match coz he figured the lady was marrying him for his immigration status and he had no feelings for the lady etc. When I heard the broken engagement bit I wanted to run( remember Ex no 1) but I stayed coz this was different and he told me upfront about it. He was also gentleman enough to wait for the lady to get married before we did. I told him about my ex’s and yeah we poured our hearts out & just knew each other more than I could have ever known him had I met him face to face. There’s a lot that can be felt with phone conversations, believe me.  Feb 14 he proposed and I knew in my heart this was the man for me. It was peaceful & felt safe & right.  It’s like appendicitis. You have tummy aches and you wonder if it’s appendicitis but when you really get appendicitis you just know it. I have had my appendix removed so believe me I know. My one big doubt was that I wasn’t sure I wanted to come to the United States. After working in Muscat I wanted to go back to Bangalore & hang out with my friends but for him I didn’t mind crossing over to the other side off the world. America was not a dream destinartion for me  but of course now that I have built my life here I love it!  Another doubt was that we had not met face to face and I was worried the sparks would not be there esp. since men in general are very visual. I remember voicing that to him & he telling me that even if my face got burnt in a fire he would still want to marry me. Which woman can resist that? Yeah my husband can be a charmer when he wants. I said yes, resigned my job and prepared to go home to India to spend last few months with my parents & friends before leaving to go to another country. I met ex no 2 when I handed in my paperwork & he gave me the warmest hug and wished me well. My practical hubby had 2 weeks leave & came 1 week before the wedding. Saw him for the first time slightly apprehensive since it was the first time I would be meeting the adult man. My husband still teases me at how I showed up at the airport with a broken chapel aka slipper. I tripped at the airport and broke it hey! I remember him at the airport in a Washington DC metro map T shirt that he still owns. One look at his face and I knew we has done the right thing. My husband was a looker too. Still is to me! Now 23 years later I know we did the right thing. Marriage is sometimes a leap of faith. You never know what to expect but you commit to trust, love and cherish each other for better or worse.  Marriage is not always a bed a roses and I cannot speak for others but for me I think marriage needs tending like a garden. I love my life with my husband and my children and am grateful for it. I also love my husband in a more mature kind of way than I did before.  I don’t believe marriage is for everyone or that it defines you. But I do think that life is what we make of it and contentment as I read today is a choice, not an emotion and I am content in my life.
As for my ex’s do I regret any of it? No way! They all had their place in my life. Ex number 1 was my first real romance. He taught me to live vicariously and enjoy life no matter what. He was one of the most dare devil persons I have met (reminds me of another friend) and taught me to live life without a care. A trait my husband is cautious about when he says I take life too easy but my husband knows in his heart that this trait is a balance to his all too cautious practical nature.  Ex number 2 was my friend, a shoulder to lean on for a short period of time and I will be grateful.
I have never looked for my ex’s on social media but I am friends with ex no 2 on FB when he sent me a friend request 2 yrs. back. Apart from wishing each other a happy birthday there’s no other contact & I prefer it that way.  As my girls grow up I pray for them to find the right person at the right time or to live a fulfilled life single.  If they turn out to have a marriage like I do I will be happy for them but then again like everything in our life que Sera. Whatever will be will be?
If you’re reading this, thank you for stopping by and reading my long story. Love

Post Update – 12/10/22

To continue where I left off, dating 3 guys in 18 months makes me seem somewhat fast?  Na! I dont think so.  With all my ex;s there was strong emotional involvement( I am 150% emotional and tend to  carry that into all my friendships as well) but the physical side was very PG. Fessing up here – To date my husband is ( and will be ) the only person I have had ; to use the old fashioned term ” Relations” with lol. Just my opionion but there’s something to be said about monogamy ( No regrets there)  I am quite satisfied in that dept. Always been one of the strong suits of our marriage and I am thankful. Every couple has their strong point so yeah I like mine.

Anyway, I like being friends with guys and I do connect maybe too much but If with my friendly vibes/ playful spirit I gave the wrong impression I truly apologize. I have had my share of ” Friend Zoning”  when it come to the ” Nice Guy Syndrone” ( Maybe I will write a note about it sometime from th zoning point of view) but yeah! Guys who have known me for years know this about me and keep the boundaries.

If you choose to be  my friend I will be a loyal, affectionate, trustworthy, always have your back kind without being clingy or asking much. Personally, I think real frienships are far more valuable than those somewhat confusing, not too sure what…  relationships with the opposite sex!

Ok lonigish update which I will prolly delete in a bit since my husband( bless his heart) would have a heart atatck if he read ( private person that he is)the update. But me, I am always direct and what better way to be direct than here in my own space!

Thanks for stopping by! Have a lovely rest of weekend. I have a meal to cook , then am rushing off to DC to proctor a Food Safety Class and hopefully a road trip with hubby for the rest of weekend!